Overlooked?

What is it about feeling overlooked, unimportant, benign, unrecognizable that hits at our deepest insecurities?

It's that whole paradigm of growing up wanting to be the same as everyone else...and then somewhere along the way we decide that we want to stand out. These oddities that are our personality are actually what define us as people and make us stand out. Why do we fight against the feeling of....ordinary?

My initial (admitedly negative) response is that, perhaps, I am...and so I should just get over it. It's like that proverb a man's life is like a blade of grass...whithers and dies in a day (paraphrase) - wow, that Soloman dude really was wise...and an incredible pessimist. My life is like a freakin' plant that you ditch at the end of the season. Very...comforting.

And yet at the end of Solomon's tyraid - of life and all of it's let downs and meaninglessness he says that God is what it's all about. That God unveils every hidden thing in our life to reveal that which is substantial...i.e. everlasting. Is my shining personality part of God's eternal plan...probably not as much as I'd like to think so...unless my shinning personality is one that communicates love and hope to someone that is looking for more.

As hard as it is on me...I suppose that it becomes less about me and my need to feel important...even to a point of appreciatiation (which is really hard...and I'm by no means demeaning it's real hurt and pain)...and more about my effort to reflect the opportunity of grace that I've been given. Perhaps, then in some ironic twist...the legacy that I've been trying to leave with my personality...lives on in the hope of future generations living an eternal life because I shifted the focus from me to my creator.

Do I really want it?

I just heard Becky Tirabassi speak at GMA Music in the Rockies. What she said wasn't particularly profound or something that I hadn't heard before, but it reminded me that my spiritual life is not as much of a priority in my life as it should be.

Is it for anyone?

But, honestly - I can't remember being challenged in a way that was so...hopeful and encouraging.

I felt enabled to have a closer relationship with God. And, I know my life isn't what I want it to be and for the past few months I've been whining about it. Now it's time for me to step up and do something about it...

Ain't No Mountain High Enough?

As gonzo would say, "Wowzers."

I'm staring at a mountain. I'm aware that it won't move or change, but for some reason I'm struck. The weird thing is that I don't know what it is about a giant rock that is so...breathtaking. Is it the height - that it is greater than me? Is it that I can look at it for hours and still not know all of its features and blemishes? Or is it that its creation and existence is completely beyond my control - I've done nothing to aid in its existence. That in all of it's uniqueness it is simply, remarkable. Is it cheesy to think that this is how God sees us? Why can't I see my fellow man with such wonder?

Thirsty?

I’m ashamed. I drink bottled water. You probably do too. I’m not an addict by any means – luckily I’m too cheap to purchase bottled water on a regular basis but I’ve still had my fair share. I just finished reading an article by Charles Fishman in Fast Company magazine and here are some of the startling statistics:
- if the water we use at home cost what even sheap bottled water costs, our monthly water bills would run $9,000.
- 24% of the bottled water we buy is tap water repackaged by Coke and Pepsi
and the kicker…
- Fiji water produces more than a million bottles a day, while more than half the people in Fiji do not have reliable drinking water.
Ugh…the guilt feeling – see what I mean?? I don’t personally believe that just because I was ignorant before makes me less responsible for the repercussions of my choices. (Double Ugh) So now what - I guess it's back to the drinking fountain?

I just grossed myself out...

Do you ever eat weird food combos? Right now I'm eating an apple & popcorn. No offense, but I sound like a pregnant woman.

Some people like their Frosty with fries...and me, well, I was hungry and it was all I could find.

I'll take life w/out tv for $100...

It has officially been one month since I've had television. Scratch that, I have had a television (my faithful 19 inch, non-surround, non-HD, non-flatscreen tv that I've had since college), but I haven't subscribed to a cable provider and so only get fuzzy stations where I think they are playing basketball or perhaps its rugby...

Initially, this was not a planned jaunt into solitude and meditation - Comcast hasn't serviced our newly constructed subdivision. And so, being the mature and outstanding adult that I am, I proceeded to harass & become one of Comcast's 10 worst customers. I thought that it should have encouraged them - that their product/service was so good that customers were literally willing to beat down their doors. However, it didn't seem to impress them as it did me - so I was forced into a wait...

In the meantime, I've finished several books & magazines that were collecting dust. I've also completed more projects around the house than I had ever dreamed possible in a week. I've taken up walking with my wife and "gasp", actually had time to sit, eat breakfast and pray in the absolute silence. It's creepy, but in a good and rejuvenating way.

I realized yesterday that I suddenly understood those people that are captives of the busy American life and then one day they disappear only to be found living in a shack in Iowa growing their own food and writting incredibly wise proverbs.

I'm not so keen on writing or living in a shack for that matter, but perhaps I'll give this small disconnect from the hectic American life a try. I'll keep you posted on the progress